I have a lot of resentment toward a family member, and I just can't get over it. Please help.

Updated: Apr 28, 2020

You are 100% in control of what you think and feel.

It's important to remember that the way our Universe works is like a mirror, reflecting what is inside of us to our outer world. When we hold a lot of fear inside, our outer world might become a scary place to be, for example. As long as we remember how this works, we can make our way out of it ok.

Everyone in your life, from your neighbor to your best friend, is reflecting You to you. So when you have a blockage of energy in yourself, it manifests in you feeling uncomfortable around people who hold the quality that is hanging you up. And until you deal with this aspect of yourself, you will keep being annoyed by other people. When you gain more self-awareness, you get to a point where you can stop yourself as you are triggered, check in, and figure out what you don't like about them, and then integrate that quality within yourself.

When you think about all of the people who annoy you in life, do they tend to have the same qualities? That's just another clue that the issue is you, the common denominator, and NOT all of them. It's really a fun game to play, once you understand the rules.

So, someone is annoying you, and you can't get past it. Can you identify the quality they exhibit that sets you off? Let's use the example that you are annoyed by this person's neediness, and it's making you resent them.

Now ask yourself if you have ever been needy. I bet you were a baby once, and needed food and protection. I bet you were a child once who needed an adult to explain how something worked. Does their neediness make you feel obligated toward them, duty-bound and entangled in their karma? Do you long to live free of the constraints they seem to want to shackle you with? Did anyone ever save you from a bad situation, and you felt that you owed them? Or did someone neglect to save you when you really just needed to save yourself?

We tend to vilify the aspects of ourselves that we don't want to identify with, and project them onto other people, who then annoy the crap out of us by popping into our lives to remind us that we're being unconscious. Our energy always vibrates at a frequency, and when that frequency correlates with "needy", for example, it sends out into the matrix a search for needy-themed people and situations. This is how the Universe asks us, "When are you going to integrate this part of yourself, and realize that you are still lovable, even if you can be needy sometimes?" You simultaneously realize that you can love the other person, even if they never change.

It can be hard to admit that we share the aspects we despise in others, but I assure you that we all do. We may hate to be told we are lazy or sloppy or a hypocrite, but all of us are, on some level. Accepting that removes the sting from it. Once you realize that when you have a problem, you are the problem, it frees you up. You can then stop judging others, because there really is no problem, there are just a LOT of aspects of the Divine running around. Some are creating drama instead of creating more Consciousness. Which one are you?

Here's another example. Maybe you have dated a few people who treated you without honor and respect. And you have been asking yourself why everyone you meet turns out to be such a jerk. Well, that's a great question, because, again, you are the common denominator. If these people aren't treating you right, it may be time to ask yourself why YOU keep mistreating yourself. The Universe keeps giving you the opportunity to stand up for yourself, and to say, "I don't have relationships with people who can't respect me." It is actually YOU, in this example, who is treating you like garbage. Because if you weren't treating you that way, there is no way anyone else could.

Projections and shadow selves that we disown can be heavy to deal with. You may want to hire a coach or a therapist to support you in the journey toward integration. Good luck!

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